INFJs are one of the rarest personality types in the world, making their dating preferences somewhat unknown to the majority of the population. Although something of a unicorn, INFJs can create deep and lasting relationships with a variety of other personality types. They have several key factors that they look for in a long-term relationship, but the effort put into romance will be well-rewarded: INFJs become very attached to their loved ones once they prove their worth.
Today, let’s take a look at this personality type and see who they’re most compatible with for relationships and dating.
What They Look For
INFJs have rich inner worlds but may also be very warm and engaging on the outside. Their feeling function is extroverted (Fe), which allows them to form connections or bonds with others very quickly. But despite this ability, many INFJs aren’t looking for surface relationships or a high number of friends; instead, they are much more concerned with finding deep connections with a few individuals.
Quality rather than quantity matters to this personality type. Both for their friends and romantic partners, INFJs will look for someone who can provide them with several main traits, including:
The ideal romantic partner for an INFJ is someone who can meet them in the middle when it comes to deep emotional connections and conversation. In fact, it’s no stretch to say that quality conversation is possibly the most important factor for an INFJ personality.
INFJs have very deep thoughts about the world and the patterns they perceive as a result of their dominant intuitive function (Ni). As such, they’re always looking for someone they can share their insight with, particularly regarding theories about people or society. Most people are Sensors, however, so many INFJs have trouble feeling like they connect to these potential romantic partners.
An ideal INFJ partner will be open to deep conversations and value their insight rather than focus on shallow small talk.
Potential Trouble Spots
Many INFJs describe themselves as misunderstood both by their romantic partners and society at large. INFJs are the rarest of all the personality types, so this is somewhat to be expected. Any partner must strive to understand the INFJ on a complete, inner level. This is most often accomplished by listening to the INFJ for a long time, letting them express themselves until satisfied.
Their romantic partner may not adequately shower them with the right kind of affection or romantic gestures that they perceive to be as “authentic”. A great example is a female INFJ not being impressed by flowers or a similar romantic idea from her male partner. If she doesn’t like flowers, get her something more unique and individual to her likes instead!
This attitude can cause many to think of INFJs as close-minded, mostly because they prefer a certain way of doing things (at least in relation to their romantic endeavors). However, this is only because they prefer their partner to understand them inside and out, and a failure on this point can indicate that their romantic partner doesn’t understand them as well as they initially thought.
Furthermore, an INFJs focus on emotion, particularly their own interior emotional needs, can lead many to find them as overly sensitive or emotionally needy. This is particularly noticeable in INFJs, as their feeling function is extroverted, meaning they will more readily express their feelings than a personality type with introverted feeling.
When it comes to feeling-thinking, many INFJs have trouble relating to their T-type counterparts because of the latter’s apparent lack of consideration for the feelings of others. T-types can sometimes be blunt or cold, which the INFJ can read as a damning condemnation of the relationship. T-types dating an INFJ will need to be in tune with their own emotions in order to adequately connect with their partner.
The Best Personality Types for an INFJ Companion
For INFJs, your exact personality type doesn’t matter so long as you have the requisite ability to connect with them on a deep level and appreciate their unique insights. However, these requirements will make some personality types more likely to be a better partner for this MBTI type than others.
For instance, the type of deep emotional bonding and theoretical connection that most INFJs crave is likely to come from another intuitive type rather than a sensor. This isn’t to say that sensors can’t have deep connections or conversations with others but that it comes with practice rather than as second nature.
In addition, INFJs typically like to focus on a single topic rather than bounce from subject to subject. Whether this means an INFJ needs a complementary or mirroring personality depends on the person in question. For instance, Ne types with a P letter ending are usually better at listening and keeping themselves open to possibilities. This might work well with an INFJ, who will be more inclined to talk as a J-type.
Don’t discount lifestyle. INFJs tend to be fairly serious, particularly during important romantic moments or discussions. Silliness or a failure to take an idea or moment seriously can negatively impact the relationship and can make relationships with P-types particularly grating over the long-term.
All in all, INFJs will have a difficult time finding long-term romantic success with Sensing types. S-types, in general, prefer expressing their ideas through concrete language or actions, meaning they will struggle to connect on an intuitive or pattern-based level with their N-type counterparts. Additionally, INFJs are not as attached to tradition as many SJ-types naturally are, particularly without a good, intuition-based reason.
However, pairing an INFJ with another of the same type can also be a misfire. If the other J-type has different or polar opposite views on several critical ideas, it can lead to constant fighting and hurt feelings. This tendency, particularly when moral views are governed by upbringing and culture, means it’s no surprise that J-J relationships aren’t very common.
Taking all this information together, it’s clear that INFJs are best paired with those who are P-types and N-types, as individuals with these elements will not naturally clash with what an INFJ needs in order to be happy. Another Intuitive will more easily connect and conversation and action to the INFJ, while a P-type won’t necessarily clash with the deeply held opinions of the INFJ, being a better listener.
Additionally, E-types may also be a good fit for the introverted INFJ. E-types can help draw INFJs out of their skin, although some compromise will be necessary to ensure that both individuals receive the social stimulation or time alone required. I-types will also be welcome, and both parties will likely never step on the others’ toes regarding the shared need for solitude.
T-types can also be a good fit, although good communication between both parties will be necessary to ensure that feelings aren’t hurt.
Some example types that INFJs will work well with:
All in all, INFJs can have long-lasting relationships with all kinds of personality types. They look for someone they can closely bond with and have deep conversations with over other people and the universe at large. Though they seem sensitive, they’re often truly loving partners and deep thinkers. If you become important to one, they’ll likely never let you go.
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