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45 Funny and Witty Irish Sayings

Throughout history, 7% of the Irish population have migrated to the United States. In the 1800’s, almost 3 million Irish immigrated to America. In the mid 1800’s during the California gold rush, many Irish headed out to the west to mine. Because their success was considered to be of luck and not skill, the phrase “Luck of the Irish” became popular. The following collection of funny and witty Irish sayings will help inspire humor and Irish pride.

A cabin with plenty of food is better than a hungry castle
A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.
An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part.
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Don’t talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung.
Every St. Patrick’s Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
Everyone is wise until he speaks.
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish people from ruling the world.
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish.
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!
I can resist everything except temptation.
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you’re important and nice, but you take second place all the same.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy teenagers?
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
In heaven there is no beer…That’s why we drink ours here.
It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life
It’s a loser’s emblem (swastika), because the Nazis lost the war. It’s ridiculous to suggest we are involved with fascists. All my best friends are black, gay, Irish or criminals.
Many times, a man’s mouth has broken his nose.
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can’t find you with a telescope.
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
Praise the ripe field not the green corn.
Sometimes I think I am a genius. Then I realize I’ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another.
The Irish don’t know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried.
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven’t seen the joke yet.
The Irish ignore anything they can’t drink or punch.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The trouble with me is that I am a vindictive old shanty-Irish bitch.
There are only three kinds of Irish men who can’t understand women— young men, old men, and men of middle age.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.
You never miss the water till the well has run dry.
You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

The upper north east and of Pennsylvania and Maine are considered to have more than 15% of an Irish-American population. Famous Americans such as Walt Disney, Henry Ford, and Bill O’Reilly were known for being Irish. The below infographic outlines the historical facts of Irish-American’s.

Irish American History

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