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INFJ and INTJ Relationship Compatibility for a Male and Female

INFJs and INTJs are both extremely rare personality types, but they also seem to pair up together relatively frequently, finding each other amid the sea of more common SJ and SP types. What is it about these two types that draw them toward one another? Let’s answer this question and examine how either type can be expressed when the individual is either a man or a woman.

Preference Matching

INFJs and INTJs will likely naturally be drawn to one another because of several factors that go into both types. For starters, both types are heavily introverted and are not normally drawn to social activity. Indeed, talking to other people usually drains their energy, unless it’s a very specific person or their life partner. Because of this, both types are unlikely to drain one another or feel annoying. On the contrary, both types will be liable to give the other the space they need to recharge at the end of the day.

Additionally, both INFJs and INTJs are N-types or intuitive. This means that they see the world in terms of larger concepts or abstract ideas and will be naturally drawn to symbology. Concrete or sensory-driven information is not as important for either type as it would be for an S-type. Due to this similarity, both types should have no problem conversing with one another, even if both of them tend to focus more on feeling or thinking, respectively.

Finally, both INFJs and INTJs share a heavy preference for J-type decision-making. This makes them both likely to appreciate planning and routine, along with an enjoyment of things being settled rather than open-ended. While this can make both types feel a bit bored from time to time, they won’t upset the balance crafted by the partnership very frequently. They’re also very likely to respect one another’s routines and preferences.

INFJ Male Expressions

Males are typically socialized to be focused on logic and facts rather than thinking. This socialization does not match very well with the INFJ’s natural tendencies, so male INFJs may find themselves at odds with their gender role from time to time. As INFJs prioritize being true to their own hearts, they may have to pick between being a “real man” or themselves.

INFJs feel very deeply and craft intricate internal lives and moral systems that they will adhere to above all other concerns. INFJs are also usually quite sensitive, so males of this type may find that typical masculine ripping or teasing is a little harsher than it would otherwise be.

However, females can be drawn to INFJ males precisely because of this sensitivity and preference for emotionality. Many females find that typical men aren’t well enough in tune with their own emotions to make good conversational partners; they shouldn’t have any trouble with an INFJ man.

INFJ men may be very good at cultivating romantic relationships and understanding their feminine partners. Their focus on making decisions and preference for things being settled can also make them appear decisive: a preferential trait in most traditional courtship scenarios.

INFJ Female Expressions

INFJ females will find themselves much more included in traditional gender roles. INFJs are naturally focused on feelings and sensitivity, and these preferences match well with how women are normally socialized.

Men will often find INFJ women attractive because of their sensitivity and caring features. When combined with the female gender role, INFJ women are often nurturing and make excellent mothers or partners in many respects. Their personality also lends itself well to known feminine professions like nursing, counseling, or teaching.

INTJ Male Expressions

INTJ males are thought to be more common than INTJ women, though this may be because typical INTJ expression matches up with colder masculine attitudes. Indeed, INTJs are well-known for their aloofness and focus on concepts or their own ideas, disappearing into their own heads and considering themselves to be among the smartest in the room.

Thus, INTJ men will seem fairly typical, if more isolated than gregarious males. INTJ men can be attractive precisely because of their focuses on getting things done and logic over emotion: both are aspects that are heavily associated with traditional masculinity and may be attractive to women for that reason.

INTJ men also tend to be very decisive. While they aren’t leaders in the strictest sense, they can take charge when the situation calls for it and their certainty in their own intelligence manifests as confidence that many women find intriguing. Where INTJ men may find trouble is when their disinterest in emotion is expressed harshly or hurtfully to their female companions.

INTJ Female Expressions

INTJ women will have a much harder time in general than their male counterparts. INTJs are known to be stoic, intellectual, and uninterested in emotion: all traits that are not usually associated with traditional femininity. Because of this, INTJ women might be considered butch or unattractive by many men and/or women.

However, many men will also find the INTJ expressions of these women to be attractive precisely because they don’t fit the common mold. There are plenty of men who are attracted to women who are more logical rather than emotional, particularly if the man in question already has enough feelings to go around.

These women also tend to be highly intelligent and very confident in their chosen field or profession. Perhaps because of discrimination they currently face in many workplaces, INTJ women must often prove themselves many times over to be given the same respect as a man in the same position. Never ones to back down from a challenge, INTJ women may find this discrimination appalling and become even better at their chosen vocation as a result.

Why the Pairing Works

INFJs and INTJs work as a pairing for their type similarities but also because of how complementary their expressions end up panning out. For instance, INFJs are usually quite emotional and can easily read their own feelings and those of others. This works well when paired with an INTJ, who’s usually focused on other things far from the matters of the heart.

Similarly, INTJs can be excellent decision-makers and planners and can take care of more of the problem-solving aspects of a relationship than their INFJ partners. This complementary element shows up regardless of which partner is male or female.

In a way, both types attract one another because they make up for the weaknesses of their type. INFJs compensate for the lack of emotionality that most INTJs express or think about and the reverse is true concerning logic stoicism.

In addition, when males are INFJs and females are INTJs, a lot of relationships spice can be derived from how mismatched the partner’s gender expression seems with their typical role. A person looking for a more unique experience or bored with “typical” men and women will find a worthy partner in a male INFJ or female INTJ.


Overall, INFJs and INTJs are extremely compatible regardless of gender, though things can get very interesting and complementary when men are INFJs and women are INTJs. The types are naturally complementary, and the reversal of traditional gender roles or attitudes can be both attractive and interesting over the long-term.

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