As one of the rarest personality types, ENFJs aren’t well understood when it comes to their dating preferences or relationship needs. To make matters worse, ENFJs are better at understanding other people that are themselves in many respects. Let’s dive into this personality type and find out what makes them tick when it comes to romantic relationships.
What ENFJs Look For
ENFJs are people-people; they are particularly well-suited to forming connections with others and managing emotional networks, even in larger groups. Their extraversion, intuition, and feeling functions all combine to let them accurately assess the emotions of others and come to helpful conclusions. This is why ENFJs are such good leaders: being able to understand what makes a person tick and connect with them in an authentic enough way to gain their trust and loyalty is a rare but valuable skill.
ENFJs have excellent communication skills, are extremely motivating and inspirational, and are particularly perceptive when it comes to the thoughts and motives of others. As such, they can be attracted to a wide number of different personality types, seeing goodness and potential in just about everyone.
This being said, ENFJs don’t necessarily look for someone who’s just like them. Indeed, their tendency to take charge in either an official or counseling capacity means that they’re more often looking for someone who can complement their abilities.
Interestingly, ENFJs, despite being so into the emotions of others, often have something of a blind eye when it comes to their own hearts. They spend so much time being in tune with the feelings of the people they are with that they can easily drain themselves or neglect their own internal needs. ENFJs normally look for someone who can comfort them on some level, either consciously or unconsciously.
Additionally, ENFJs usually love routine and planning. They’re likely to appreciate someone who seems to have their act together, either on a personal or professional level. With their eyes constantly toward the future, ENFJs appreciate people who seem like they know themselves and their goals. They’ll even feel inspired to help their partners reach their personal objectives.
However, ENFJs can also feel a bit inspired by P-types, particularly if they have been missing some novelty in their own lives. Most importantly, ENFJs look for someone whose morals and values match their own, although their understanding of the emotions of others means that many moral codes are potentially acceptable.
As N-types, too, ENFJs crave someone who they can have a deep conversational connection with. Speaking of abstract terms of concepts is their first language, so they’re more likely to seek out another deep intuitive type rather than someone totally grounded in material or sensory concerns.
Despite their warmth and empathic abilities, ENFJs do have some weaknesses when it comes to relationships. These can cause potential pitfalls, particularly with romantic partners.
For starters, ENFJs can occasionally focus far too much on their lovers or mates. Their knack for emotional connection can be overcharged when they first fall in love with someone else, causing them to smother their partner with attention or with attempts at understanding. At times, ENFJs who aren’t aware of their own behavior can feel like they understand their partner better than their partner themselves. This is annoying at best and insulting at worst.
As mentioned before, ENFJs are also fairly bad at managing their own emotions, especially if they have an emotionally demanding job. They can easily become over drained from managing the expectations of others and from handling a social profession. This can cause them to lash out or become emotionally manipulative. Any partner for an ENFJ needs to be aware of this tendency and help tend to their ENFJ’s emotional needs from time to time, even if the ENFJ doesn’t recognize the need.
ENFJs’ tendency to become leaders can also cause them to take charge when it’s not appropriate. Particularly since they are always focused on the future and higher-level ideas, ENFJs and barge in and try to take control of the situation, assuming that they know what’s best. This can become toxic when applied to a one-on-one relationship; ENFJs may try to fix their partner when the partner doesn’t feel like anything needs to be repaired.
In the event of interpersonal conflict, ENFJs may try to resolve the issue as quickly as possible or, if they aren’t emotionally mature, sweep things under the rug and avoid a fight entirely. This obviously doesn’t solve the issue for future occurrences.
If a fight does occur, ENFJs’ extreme emotional sensitivity can lead them to feel bad about the discussion and blame themselves for the role they played. This, in turn, can lead to more lashing out or manipulation, even unconsciously. When in a fight with an ENFJ, their partner needs to be aware of this potential pitfall and manage their words very carefully. It’s a good idea to reiterate that the goal of the conversation is to repair the relationship rather than assign blame.
Ideal ENFJ Partners
Despite the potential struggles, ENFJs make fantastic partners and have a wide variety of possible soulmates across the Myers-Briggs spectrum.
As N-types, ENFJs are naturally compatible with most other gratuitous regardless of the other functions. N-types tend to get along very well with each other the same way that S-types do, as these pairings share the same primary form of communication. ENFJs in a relationship with any other intuitive type should be able to have long and deep conversations about all sorts of topics and concepts. The potential for a robust emotional connection is high.
Additionally, ENFJs, being in tune with the emotions of others perhaps better than almost any other N-type, are excellent partners for I-types in general. Introverts normally have difficulty expressing their feelings or connecting with other people, and virtually all active conversation is somewhat draining. ENFJs can understand this right off the bat and tailor their conversational tactics appropriately. As a result, many I-types will likely feel safe and warm when experiencing a connection with an ENFJ.
T-types are another great example of the ENFJ’s ability to bond with other people. Indeed, many T-types don’t pay well enough attention to their own emotions and can have difficulty expressing themselves. ENFJs can often understand T’s well enough, however, allowing them to smooth over any verbal or affection-based mishaps. They’re likely to “know” what a T-type meant, even if their partner said something that was outwardly cold or rude on the surface.
P-types bring a lot of energy and novelty into the ENFJ’s life. Other J-types can also be a good match, but P-types ensure that the ENFJ doesn’t become too bored or stuck in a routine. This possibility is particularly likely, especially since ENFJs don’t pay attention to their own emotional needs as well as they often should.
All in all, the following types are likely to be excellent partners for an ENFJ:
ENFJs are warm, inspiring, and can make excellent partners for almost anyone. Their ability to understand their partners and devotion to their moral ideals make them steadfast parents, lovers, and leaders in all respects. Anyone who pairs with ENFJ can benefit from a long, healthy relationship with the right effort.
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