35 Humorous and Witty Wedding Card Messages

When it comes to weddings, the average length of an American engagement is 16 months. During this period, couples purchase an average of $4 billion in furniture, $3 billion housewares, and $400 million in tablewares. An estimated 17% of men are willing to work overtime to pay for a ring. Half of men prefer to have their fiance with them to choose the ring. A series of witty wedding card messages are listed below that capture the humor and feelings of many guests that attend weddings.

All weddings are happy. It’s living together afterwards that’s difficult!

As you walk down the aisle, don’t be nervous about saying ‘I do’ because you don’t have a choice anyways. Good luck and congratulations.

Before you get married, you will be madly in love with each other. After you get married, you will just be mad at each other. Congratulations.

Being married is like any other job; it helps if you like your boss!

Do you know that you are signing a marriage contract which does not give you the option of renewing it every year? Congratulations for signing your life away.

Do you know what late nights, parties and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those from now on. Congratulations for your wedding.

Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations.

I cancelled all my appointments and an important meeting just so that I could make it to your wedding. After all, free booze was just too lucrative to give up. Congratulations.

I know I am going to have an awesome time attending your wedding because I will be reminded of all the money I will be saving by not getting married. Congratulations.

I wanted to get you a life preserver as a wedding gift just in case.

If you are not going to put on a life jacket before taking the plunge, at least take swimming lessons.

In the circus of life, you may have lived like a lion so far. But your wife, the new circus master will tame you into a domesticated cat in no time. Good luck for your tight rope act.

Knowing the entrepreneurial couple that you are, I was wondering if you could give me some insider tips so I can place my bets on how long you both will last? Congratulations for getting hitched.

Marriage doesn’t mean you own the other person, just their stuff.

Marriage is happiness times two, anger times two and frustrations times three. (The third comes in when her best friend is called).

Marriages are all about sacrifice, hardships and letting go. Are you really sure you want to get married?

No amount of heartfelt congratulatory wishes that I give you on your wedding will protect you from the painful life of slavery you are about to start as a husband. Congratulations anyway.

Now that you are married, you must master the art of saying yes when you actually want to say no. Congratulations on your wedding.

On your wedding day today, you have now become two from one. Does that mean I will get two birthday gifts from you every year? Congratulations for getting married.

our wedding signals the change of status in your life. Your relationship status on Facebook will change from single to married while your real life’s status will change from being available to being busy. Congratulations.

Rule number one once married, do not talk to people of the opposite sex naked.

Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I Accept checkbox while installing new software in your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next. Congratulations on getting married.

Stay in love, stay married, stay hopeful, most of all, stay together – divorce is too expensive.

The best part about your wedding is that it gives me many more parties to look forward to in the next few years – a party for your first anniversary, new home, new baby and your partner’s birthday. Congratulations buddy.

The only difference between marriage and stupidity is that marriage is expensive while stupidity comes free of cost. Congratulations for being expensively stupid.

The person who refused to take a holiday with his friends because it was too expensive, is now blowing up all his money on his grand wedding. Welcome to married life buddy. Congratulations.

There is nothing worse than a friend getting married. Now my parents have one more reason to coax me into getting married. Congratulations.

Today I have realized that life is not fair for single people like me. Until now I had to buy you a gift only once a year on your birthday. Now I have two birthdays plus a wedding anniversary to buy gifts for. Congratulations to my best friend for getting married.

Walking down the aisle on your wedding marks your first step in walking towards a hurricane called Marriage. Good luck.

Wedding – one of the biggest expense of your life which marks the beginning of many more expenses including shopping, gifts, day care, schooling for children and possibly even alimony. Good luck to you.

You haven’t just tied the knot with your wife today, you have tied ropes on your legs too. Congratulations on your wedding.

You will have moments when you really love each other, then there will be the rest of the time.

Your match wasn’t made in heaven. It was made in my bedroom that you two used so often. Congratulations to my best buddies for getting married.

Your wedding wows are actually an unsaid contract in which you agree to be tied down to your spouse all your life. Congrats buddy.

Your wife complements you perfectly. She shadows all your flaws and accentuates your qualities. Now we know why you decided to get married. Congratulations.

The average cost of a wedding ring is $2,100 in the United States. An estimated 7 out of 10 women prefer their man to save up enough money to buy the ring of their dreams before proposing. Almost three quarters of brides receive an engagement ring that has diamonds. The below infographic outlines interesting facts and statistics about an American engagement.