The following collection of witty banter examples and quotes capture the humor and irony of many situations. These are perfect to share with someone who can understand the intent of the quotes.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A man is as young as the woman he feels.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.
How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
It’s a catastrophic success.
It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn’t have to watch.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
While witty banter can be found to be amusing, sometimes saying the wrong thing can drive you less desirable results. The below infographic outlines the best way to communicate with customer service representatives so you can achieve the resolution you want.