30 Witty Remarks and Comebacks

Confrontation is most often the result of poor communication. It can impact turnover costs and human resource time increases. An estimated 60% of absenteeism is due to stress within a conflict laden organization. Almost 90% of employees cite a lack of communication results in workplace failures. The following collection of witty remarks and comebacks can result in arising conflict although immediate satisfaction may occur.

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Don’t be humble, you are not that great.
Hey your village called they want you back by 6.
I can get plastic surgery to fix my ugliness, you on the other hand will be stupid for eternity.
I can’t believe that out of 10,000 sperm you were the quickest.
I don’t know what makes you stupid, but it really works.
I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls, then I met you.
I was feeling down about my life, but then I saw what a fail yours is. Now I’m happy.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one.
I wish we were better strangers.
If I am ever drunk, you’ll be damn good looking.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.
I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had about you.
I’m already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
I’ve been called worse by better.
Oh I am sorry I didn’t get that, I don’t speak idiot.
Oh this is coming from the one who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Oh this is coming from the poster child for abortions.
Oh your such a beautiful, wonderful, intelligent person. Oh I’m sorry I thought we were having a lying competition.
Sorry, I can’t put small objects in my mouth or I’ll choke.
The trouble with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Well your day was a total waste of makeup.
You have the face not even a mother could love.
You must’ve been born on a highway, that’s where most accidents happen.
You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
Your face is very becoming… becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.

The below infographic takes a look at the importance of positive communication and building relationships. Groups formed within organizations function through various relationships built between one another. This is based on the Gordon Model and outlines that these can be either informal or formal but ultimately dictates the level of success achieved.
Dealing with Confrontation