35 Witty Repartee Examples

A repartee provides you the opportunity to communicate a quick and witty remark in response to another. Some of these witty exchanges date back to the first century AD as shared by the Greek writer Plutarch in Parallel Lives. Some of these replies have also led to famous quotations by Winston Churchill, Oscar Wilde, Groucho Marx, and Mark Twain. A series of witty repartee examples to help spur on your creativity is provided below.

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A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.
Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
He hasn’t an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him.
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.
I like your new hair style, it makes your nose look smaller.
I make a terrible first impression…Don’t worry, it takes a while to get use to you.
I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.
If you were my wife, I’d drink it.
Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence.
That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
What a beautiful baby! Was it conceived naturally?
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Why don’t you do all of us a favor and slam the fingers of both your hands in the car door, thus preventing you from ever using a keyboard again.
Wow, you only weigh that much? Unbelievable!
You can be a model. Make up does wonders.
You have delighted us long enough.
You know, your English is really good.
You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease.
Your diet plan seems to be working…maybe it’s because you’re wearing baggy clothes.
You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.
You’re a parasite for sore eyes.
You’re funny, in the way that you make people laugh at you.
You’re pretty in an unconventional way.
You’re really pretty in this picture, I didn’t recognize you!

The below infographic outlines the proper etiquette to use when interacting with others on Facebook and other social media sites. The first rule of thumb is to be sure you do not compromise yourself in a photo or friend anyone you have not met. Censor what is posted on there as potential candidates are known to screen social media presences.

Rules for Facebook Etiquette