The Founder’s Directory
Spending some time at Silicon Valley will expose you to slang that are used by the big players in the industry. Words like PIVOT, MVP, and HYPERLOCAL, etc. These are all technical jargons used in the industry and most of the people who use these words hardly know anything about the meaning. By the end of this article, you would have known the meaning of these words and you’ll be amazed at how the meaning of this terms differ from what they are assumed to mean.
1. A/B Test: This is a method used by company founders to determine which employee gets picked first for a beer on Friday.
2. Angel: This refers to the spirit of a deceased founder, believed to dweel around the water cooler in the office.
3. Branding: This is a painful and secret rite of passage that founders must endure to receive their first funding.
4. Bandwidth: This refers to one’s ability to perform a task.
5. Boost Productivity: This refers to the company CEO being able to use energy drinks and doughnuts to keep the company programmers working all through the night.
6. Crowd Source: This is a verb used when the founder has the employees making decisions of executive nature by playing a game of chance. This is normally played with a 20 sided die.
7. Drill Down: This noun refers to Sarah Palin’s failed tech blog. This soon became a term used to refer to a politician who tries to start a blog and discuss something they are completely unqualified to talk about. After sometime, it was used to refer to politicians who were starting blogs since it was discovered that they hardly knew anything.
8. Early Adopter: This is a noun that describes persons who lose their friends because of their continuous bragging of how they first discovered or used a product.
9. Holy Grail: This is used as a noun and it refers to a company that will someday do something better than Apple.
10. Lean: Used as an adjective, it refers to a cheap way of running a company where the employees are asked to skip lunch and donate their money for the greater good of the organization.
11. Freemium: This is a noun and refers to a product model that was implemented by McDonalds in 1983 but was unsuccessful. The model involved restaurants giving out cheap cheeseburgers to customers believing that customers will purchase high quality ones, but it was the same cheeseburger.
12. Hyperlocal: This is a noun, and refers to a person who is heard by the founder of a product while he criticizes the products.
13. Iteration: This noun refers to a said new product made by a company. But it is actually same as the previous, just a number added after the name.
14. Influencer: This is a noun that refers to someone who is overwhelmed by an excess number of followers on Twitter.
15. Mission Statement: This is a noun, a trick used by employers to convince employees that they are actually changing the world with the company products and services.
16. Low – Hanging Fruit: This is a noun that refers to a trick played on male founders after the company goes public. The employees steal his brief case and hangs it on a flag pole at half mast, signifying the death of the start-up culture.
17. Market Fit: This is a noun, a measurement on a scale of 1 to 50 of how well CEO preps his team.
18. Monetization: A noun the company can use to turn a profitless product into a profitable one.
19. Networking: This is a verb which refers to a person who out of excessive zeal hands you a business card as a creeper.
20. Silo: This is a noun that refers to a secret location in Greenland where many late entrepreneurs and founders are believed to be preserved.
21. Mock Vortex Principle: This is a noun coined by the Revolution Manufacturing Tycoons which suffer that for a business that fails to make a success of its product in 90 days should be scrapped and commence the production of cigarettes, shoes, or whisky.
22. Paradigm Shift: This noun describes a case where a founder discovers he has been wrong all the way.
23. Pivot: This noun explains when you realize that your dog show has more appeal when compared to a crowd of rats.
24. On-Board: This noun refers to a wooden batten used to make an employee perform the work he was hired to do.
25. Pipeline: This noun refers to an innovation to make the employees happy all the time.
26. Splash Page: This noun refers to a website dedicated to the sale of pool cleaning supplies.
27. Social Proof: This is a noun that refers to the permissible number of friends that allows a Facebook user to maintain a healthy level of self esteem.
28. Thought Leadership: This noun refers to a scenario where a founder uses Lindsay Lohan as a case study of what to and what not to do.
29. Stealth: A noun that describes a founder that can leave office for some personal tasks and return unnoticed about 50% of the time.
30. Traction: This noun explains the assumption that aliens would think man reproduces through mobile devices.
31. User Experience: This noun explains the possibility that a non-programmer employee will beat an employee who is a programmer at Mario Kart 64.
32. Wheel House: The noun explains the line formed when employees use the office restroom at almost the same time.
33. Value Proposition: This noun describes a prearranged married between two founders from rival companies. The marriage not being founded on love but the benefit of those who founded the company.
34. Virality: This noun describes the stupid action of individuals as an aftermath of reading a blog. Actions like jumping from a high rise building, standing on top of a moving car, etc.
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